She also gets insecure about the fact that her puppet is soon going to outgrow the clutches of the covert narcissist parent. When a girl child grows up to be more beautiful and attractive than her covert narcissist mother, the toxic mother feels outshined and replaced. Such toxic mothers feel threatened when their self-created superiority is challenged. Covert and dangerous mothers have internalized misogynistic traits and some of them also show signs of Histrionic Personality Disorder. CompetitionĪ female child bears the brunts of a vulnerable narcissist mother to the most extreme degree. Such toxic upbringing makes a child lose their confidence and might cause them to feel inadequate for the rest of their life. She might openly make derogatory remarks about the physical appearance or academic performance of her children in the presence of their friends and shower praises on the friend. To add insult to injury, a covert narcissist mother will not only draw unhealthy comparisons between her children but also make her kids feel inferior to their peers. Read: 63 Most Commonly Used Phrases By Narcissistic Mothers Repeated emotional abuse of this sort can damage the young child’s psyche and as adults, they might become hypersensitive to criticism and negative feedback. The toxic mother pushes her children to accomplish more in all aspects of life, so that it may reflect well on her. The covert narcissist mother resorts to verbal abuse and other negative reinforcement, such as guilt-tripping, withholding her affection, etc., only to shame the child for their perceived flaws. Kids of such narcissistic mothers have a hard time coming out of their mothers’ shadows and building their own identities. Everyone sees a proud mother who has done a great job raising her kids, but behind closed doors, she is critical and abusive. She is mindful of how her children are received by others and often exhibits them to the world as her proud possessions. Dysfunctional ExtensionsĪ covert narcissist mother treats her children as extensions of her own life. It goes without saying that such manipulations mess up the child’s mind and make them doubt themselves even more. Such a mother will try to convince the victim kid that what they remember happening to them is not true or it was done keeping the best interest of the child in mind, ie., to teach them discipline. When the child starts getting older and begins to question the toxic behaviors of their mother, the covert narcissist mother changes the narrative and causes the child to have doubts about their memory or perception.Ĭovert narcissistic mother traits include manipulation techniques like gaslighting and playing blame games. When a young child’s emotions are not validated by their mother, it affects their psychological development, emotional regulation, and attachment style.Īs a result, they grow self-esteem issues and are set up for unhealthy romantic relationships, and people-pleasing. As infants, we learn about self-worth and how to form attachments with others, based on how we are cared for and nurtured by our mothers. She will not accept and validate their pain and meet their basic needs. Naturally, a covert narcissist mother will fail to attune into the emotional demands of their offspring. InvalidationĪ covert malignant narcissist is devoid of empathy. As a result, they tend to spend all their life trying to win their mother’s approval and affection by proving their worth. Such constant comparison and exploitation of interpersonal relationships make the flawed child believe that they are not good enough. “ Why can’t you be more like your brother?’’ or “ Your sister has a better taste in men, than you”, are some of the things narcissistic mothers say. In such cases, her preferred child is the golden child, while the other becomes the Scapegoat. A covert narcissist mother often uses the psychological ploy of triangulation, where her children are pitted against each other.
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